Not many of you realize that tomorrow is the first day of hunting season. I know how ridiculous that sounds to a bunch of metrosexuals who actually sip latte’, wear funny underwear, hug trees, love endangered toad frogs and whale fetuses, wear designer jeans and keep up with the Kardashians. But for the rest of Southern men who still enjoy black coffee, keeping a chainsaw in our truck, adjusting ourselves, wearing Levi’s, peeing outdoors and drinking the juice out of a can of Vienna sausage——getting real serious about the 2018 hunting season is about to get real serious! I mean seriously!

For example; I have been working on the new winch I installed on the back of my Mule all day today. That’s right—— I now have front AND rear winches. That’s called keeping it real! I’ve never actually needed two winches but, well, I think it’s what Jesus would do.

Now this winch thing is not to be confused with “wenches”. Wenches can be located at shopping malls, tanning salons, fitness clubs, Starbucks and these strange new places called Ulta, or something like that.
A wench on the front and back of your ATV—-not good. They don’t typically enjoy black coffee, peeing outside or drinking Vienna sausage juice. There are rare exceptions. You know who you are Susan.

The advanced purchasing of proper hunting couture begins tomorrow as well. We’re not talking haute couture here. Show up wearing an ascot, a cape and playing jazz music, you might just get your ass kicked. But we all know, all of us real men, that you become completely invisible to all wildlife if your camo matches. It must match! Even if you have a closet full of awesome camo—-go get some more. I hear there are camo pants that have built in urinals this year. Only $375! How savvy is that! Drink all the juice and black coffee you want and your wench won’t have to endure your roadside stops.

More next month.