Katherine and I had our evening meal at an Italian restaurant today (I won’t mention the name, but the word garden is part of it.) The experience is never boring. Never! Incidentally, I highly recommend the blackberry pineapple tea. I don’t drink alcohol but the sugar content was high enough that I am flying right now. YING!!

Tonight’s entertaining distraction was a server(we’ll call him Adam Baum).

It became impossible not to stare at him. I tried desperately not to look. While she was looking at him, Katherine looked back at me and said, “stop looking at him!” Ha! In small print on the back of his t-shirt was the phrase “Who Would Jesus Bomb?” I’ve wondered that myself.

Adam is obviously a trainee, a trainee none to thrilled to be there. He could have taken some lessons in enthusiasm from a former server at blankety blank garden (we still miss him) named Stormy.

Stormy was a delightful man. I mean really delightful! When he commanded your table it was an event. His choice of fine colognes, both men’s AND women’s were always a treat!

But back to Adam. Adam had spent a considerable amount of time on his look. Frosted hair, Bruno Magli shoes, shirt by Pierre Cardin. But somehow, some way he had unintentionally achieved what I could only imagine in my own twisted mind as the wood pecker look. Maybe it was the spiked hair. Up until tonight I had only seen the woodpecker look on women. You men know what I’m talking about.

His look was paired with a sullen expression ——-thus, a sullen woodpecker.

I started thinking that if we could collect a group of similar individuals and put them all in one restaurant—well, we might be on to something. The angry donut whore, the butthole barista, pre-menstrual Mary, the meth head hostess, the Waffle House washout, the Vicodin valet, the sullen woodpecker.

Adam(the sweet one) could train them and do a hell of a job and
they could all stay in character! And with Adam around they would all smell great! We could call it:

HERE’S YOUR BLANKETY BLANK—FOOD.