My fascination with modern grammar and spelling abuse took an ugly turn this morning as I scanned through the Huff Post and ran across the story of the unfortunate Mr. Lee Kroll, who several years ago legally changed his name to Dez Nuts. It seems that, by happen chance, Mr. Nuts encountered one of his white friends who convinced him that an extra E would more accurately accomplish the goal of highlighting his, uh, personal assets. Dez showed up at the local courthouse recently and departed as the newly minted “Deez” Nuts.

We only know about Deez’s name journey because of his domestic abuse charges. It seems he pointed a gun at his daughter and punched her. Mr. Nuts was reported to be “highly intoxicated” at the time of his arrest. We can only surmise that his angst over wasting six years as “Dez” may have failed to garner him the intended focus on his package, causing him to drown his sorrows with ethanol. Perhaps a flash course in phonics while serving his jail sentence would be time well spent.