My next door neighbor, Rory Flenderston, showed up at my door today. Immediately I noticed that he was without pants or underwear. Of course that was the clue that he wanted to discuss steptronic transmissions and their applications in Formula VIII racing. Our old friend, Noops Bogan, developed the steptronic gear box for Mr. Ferrari back when Noops was seven. Noops had gone on to become a CIA chef and made his mark in the culinary world by creating the now famous Pig Snout Scrapple recipe which made it to the pages of Food And Wine magazine. Unbelievably he later created Stormy Night Fish Soup which won him the James Beard award. And then, in another shocker and without much warning Noops became a well dressed, anemic (and alcoholic) bassist/musician for my absolute favorite band, Kinky Friedman And The Texas Jew Boys. Noops has been credited with writing, “They Don’t Make Jews Like Jesus Anymore” but it is more likely that it was written by Flork Kladwak. Flork had been the bassist for an R&B band called Acute Negro Fit, or ANF by their devoted fans. And that’s another story.
But back to Rory, who has recently entered a new, uh, sport. Beginning at the stroke of midnight he gets in his car and drives around making it a point to take all the curves just a little too fast. When he finally rolls his car over, and while he’s still upside down, he gets his cell phone out and starts calling the Nashville purveyors of albums by Zamfir, Slim Whitman, and Englebert Humperdinck, in order to purchase albums produced by each one of these artists. Which you might think is strange, but here is something really strange—-he never orders anything from Wayne Newton!—- Just when I was certain I could explain his behavior. Go figure.
This morning I was told that Rory has driven off toward Culver City on a mission to investigate whether or not Larry King is still dead. Apparently his morphodite partner talked him into wearing underwear—-and pants, which is a good start.